GRATEFUL THOUGHT BUBBLE #1

“We're not grateful because we're happy.
We're happy because we're grateful.”
~ Brother David Stendl-Rast

BEAUTIFUL WOMEN

Today I am grateful for the presence of beautiful women in my life. I saw some of them for dinner last night. They are intelligent, funny, beautiful on the inside and gorgeous on the outside. We reminisce, argue politics, gossip, and always always find the laughable side to our problems.
They are a large part of my childhood and adolescence, and being with them is always like coming home.

8 YEARS

EIGHT! 8 years, 2 kids, one dog, two fish, one turtle, same spouse.
Just celebrated over a delicious dinner at Mamou and S is now snoring away beside me, knocked out after consuming the entire bottle of wine (save for my one glass).

CHANGING OF THE GUARD

From left: Nana at my wedding (she was nearly 91 years old here); mushing somewhere in Europe (she loved dogs); Nana looking down at my newborn sister in her arms (at 62 years).

I hate eulogies and am deathly afraid of speaking in public, but if I were to give my Nana's eulogy, it would go something like this:
98 years. Wow. That's 9 kids, 26 grandkids, and 16 great grandkids. Not to mention 2 world wars, and countless inventions of things we take for granted today. Despite the years behind her, my Nana always looked decades younger than her actual age. She was the most beautiful woman I know. If you asked her to reveal her fountain of youth, she would probably tell you it's her nightly application of Pond's Cold Cream, lemon only.
If you asked me, I would tell you her youthful beauty was due to her ability and decision to approach every potential problem with equanimity and humor. She had an uncanny ability to remain unfazed by pretty much anyone or anything, and she always had a quick retort for the most sarcastic of comments.
Nana was for a time my roommate, living in my mom's house after our Dodo died. During that time, she was the loudest champion of S, who was my boyfriend then. I'd come home in the wee hours, and she would open an eye and comment on the lateness of the hour or ask where we had gone. When we got married, she was as thrilled as a bride and as beautiful as one.
From Nana, I got a birthmark on my thigh in the shape of a seahorse, my love of books and all things canine, the unequaled pleasure of munching while feasting on a good book, and, I think, some measure of her emotional detachment and ability to let things just pass by. I may look like her, but her elegant beauty really was unparalleled.
Despite her age, I held a secret hope for a miracle: that she would stand up and walk and just be with us like she used to. To think that I will never again enter a room and see her reading one of her romance novels or watching a sappy movie, that I will no longer hear her laughter or feel her gentle hand in mine or hear her from the next bed say, "Gute nacht"... it was inevitable and yet it is inconceivable. The rest of my life will be peppered with memories of this last grandparent who was such a bright light in my life.
And now, we have one more of us resting in peace, yet another angel in heaven watching over us.

SICK

Sunbeam had been sick since Thursday, possibly since Wednesday but it was so hot, I thought she was warm due to the weather. Anyway, sick with fever ranging from 40.2 down to 38+. She was happy and active between fevers and medicines would bring the fever down after about half an hour or so.
On Saturday, no fever for several hours, so I thought she was ok and decided not to take her to the doctor. I was able to speak with the pediatrician and she warned me that a trip to the emergency room was a possibility if she was no longer active and happy. Of course, as soon as the clinics closed, she was hot again, and was getting more lethargic. I gave her some medicine and the next bout of fever came too soon after to give some more. She got weaker and only wanted to sleep. So my only recourse, other than the hospital, was a quick, intense prayer to Baba to please take care of her great grandchild. Well, in ten minutes, her fever broke. After an hour, it was completely gone. The next morning, she had a low 38+ fever which went away with some paracetamol. And since then, nothing. Thanks, Baba!

$$$!!!

This evening, I cleaned out my ratty red wallet, transferring everything to an old but barely used one. I tried to slip a card into one of the card pockets, but it wouldn't go through, despite forceful wiggling. After several minutes, I stuck my fingers inside and felt a piece of paper. I pulled it out: a neatly folded, crisp $100 bill.

TOUGH GRATITUDE

Sometimes gratitude is difficult. I try to give thanks daily but there are some days when I'm so worn out physically and emotionally that it's a stretch to find something to be thankful for.
Like today. Sunbeam has been sick but quite active and cranky. The heat has been incredible. It was difficult getting anything done when holding Sunbeam with one arm and juggling Sunshine's questions and attempts to take over the computer.
But last night, Sunshine slept without a nappy and I actually got up every 3 hours to bring him to the potty. Despite my disturbed rest and Sunbeam's fever, I actually did get some work done today. And I had some leftover yummy cocoa cookies (hazelnut and Lindt mint).
Sometimes I have to think hard to find the smallest things to be grateful for, but there is always something.